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Thursday, March 28
The Indiana Daily Student

Hollywood’s college

I came to college this year with expectations. Expectations of a life of endless toga parties. Juvenile yet ingenious pranks with no repercussions because “boys will be boys” and a dorm system that basically allowed for all sort of shenanigans, no questions asked. In other words, I believed in what Hollywood told me college would be like.

They were simple expectations, fostered in the images of “Animal House,” “National Lampoon’s Van Wilder” and “Road Trip.” Yet, I realized that at no point could I steal away from college for weeks at a time to go on a road trip across the country, along the way getting myself into ridiculous yet strangely life-changing situations that would, in the end, make me a better person. Nowhere did I ever find a man who ran parties so ridiculous that he became a legend on campus, yet still checked for IDs at the door.

I once even anonymously e-mailed the school administrators asking about what the possible punishments would be for putting a horse in the dean’s office. Apparently that’s not something you joke about.

Instead, this school year has been full of new responsibilities, laundry and these things called “classes” that none of those movies even made a big deal about. They’re hard — they give you homework and everything.

Now, I’m not saying I didn’t have a good time this year. Coming from a high school in Minnesota where only one other person from my graduating class decided to become a Hoosier, I found a home and a community in Bloomington. I love IU, and I am proud to say I am a student at this institution.

What I have a problem with is Hollywood continuing to build up the hopes of young high school students around the country who are licking their lips at the prospect of losing both their sense of responsibility and their innocence, all while learning important life lessons that will end up making them more complete individuals. They exaggerate, nay, they downright romanticize the college lifestyle, and the buck stops here.

I envision a new line of college movies, some that are much more true to form to the college experience. One can be called, “Harold and Kumar Do the Laundry: Where Did All My Clean Underwear Go?” Another can be called, “Dude, What Do You Mean My Midterm Was Yesterday?”

And I foresee an American classic in the soon to be hit, “National Lampoon’s My God If I Eat Another Scrap of Dorm Food I Will Kick a Squirrel.”

So come on Hollywood, get with the program and make movies that give the freshmen of tomorrow a more realistic insight into the world of college living. Also, if in your next movie you could tell me what to do with the horse I’m keeping in my room, that would be much appreciated.
 

E-mail: henrgree@indiana.edu

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