Hoosiers return to bullies in Michigan

Do you remember the popular, rich and physically superior bully that pushed you around through your grade school days?

If you do, then you understand how the IU football team feels when they play the University of Michigan.

Only in this case, it’s a gang of 22 tormentors and 59 game days’ worth of embarrassment.

It was a one-sided relationship from the start. 

During their first 10 meetings starting in 1900, the Hoosiers were outscored 258-20 for a 2-8 record. In all eight of those losses, the Hoosiers didn’t score a point. 

The modern times haven’t been exactly kind to IU, either.

In 1992, Michigan turned Memorial Stadium into a boys’ room toilet and treated the Hoosiers to 31-3 swirly.

The Wolverines returned in 1997 to grab the IU waistbands and hoist up a 37-0 wedgie.

The new millennium saw IU suffer a 58-0 purple-nurple at Michigan Stadium, and they were last shoved into their lockers in 2006 after a 34-3 defeat. 

According to the history books, the Hoosiers are the Wolverines’ patsies, and it’s been a while since they’ve seen a different result.

IU hasn’t beaten Michigan since the Reagan administration, and the last time they won in Michigan Stadium was also the time of their last Big Ten championship – the same year The Beatles released “Sgt. Pepper’s.” 

As if history wasn’t bad enough, the future doesn’t look bright, either. 

Michigan is, as IU coach Bill Lynch put it, Michigan again. The Wolverines lead the league in points scored per game, rushing yards per game and are tied for first in rushing touchdowns with nine. 

They have four players with more than 100 yards rushing on the year and are averaging two takeaways per game. 

It would appear, on paper, that the Hoosiers might as well grab their pocket protectors and prepare to be strung by the flagpole again.

However, Saturday may provide the blue moon IU needs to take down their bullies.

Despite the negative projections for their 2009 season, the Hoosiers are entering Big Ten play without a blemish in their loss column. The last time they did that was in 2007, when they went on to play in their first bowl game in 14 years.

Still, Hoosier fans have seen 3-0 starts melt to losing seasons before their very eyes. With tough in-conference games against Michigan, Ohio State and Illinois coming in the next month, it’s conceivable to see ’09 as one of those years.

On the flip side, you could see this team in a favorable light. 

They showed how they could run the ball when their full starting offensive line was healthy against Western Michigan.

Then they showed how good they could be when penalties aren’t a factor in their domination of Akron last weekend. 

Perhaps entering Michigan to start the Big Ten season is just another stage for them to prove everyone wrong and show the world they are Big Ten contenders.
Despite the fairy-tale tones a victory would have, it’s highly unlikely. 

If the 21-point underdog Hoosiers pull off a victory, though, feel free to hearken back to the days of the Hoosiers’ last victories. Cue chants of “tear down that wall” while doing the moonwalk, or belt out a rendition of “With a Little Help From My Friends” in your bell-bottoms. 

An IU victory over Michigan is a story that has only been written nine times in 59 chapters. 

But even the harshest of bullies have to back down eventually.  
 
Prediction:
IU 17 – UM 28