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The Amish are smarter than you


By Alyson Brodsy and Mike D’Avria



There are millions of dumb people in the world, but there are even more people who are indeed dumb but somehow come off as being intelligent.\nTake this weekend as an example. While at my girlfriend's lacrosse tournament in Michigan, I overheard some of her teammates talking about Amish people. One girl controlled the conversation and began to spout the most ludicrous statements about this peaceful religious group. \nOne thing she said was, "I hate the Amish because all of them are stuck up." She then went on to say that in a few years there no longer will be Amish people because no one wants to live without electricity anymore, all Amish teenagers are drug dealers and that if the Amish are so against technology then why do they use fire? Everyone who heard her rambling left the room dumber. To my surprise, most of the girls listened intently and believed every fact, opinion and crazy statement that came out of her mouth. The reason? Before she started her rant she made sure everyone knew that she was from Pennsylvania, and as we all know, there are a lot of Amish people in Pennsylvania.\nThis one statement made the girls that knew nothing about the Amish believe these statements because the source seemed legitimate. This intrigued me, and I started to think about other ways we, as Americans trick people into thinking we know what we are talking about. \nOne way is by getting our information from books and newspapers rather than from television. I know it's hard, but you come off smarter when citing a newspaper rather than "MTV News."\nAll you have to say is, "I read this fact in The New York Times," or, "I read in Thomas Edison's autobiography that 60 percent of everything is made up," and most people will believe you. This does not work with television, some Web pages and some magazines like Maxim. Though a lot of good journalism randomly shows up in this magazine, it is usually squeezed in between layouts of Jennifer Gardner in a tube top and the girls of the WB in their underwear. For some reason the information is now less valid.\nSounding smart isn't always the most important thing though, as long as you can look smart. Go get some glasses and you too can seem to up your IQ by 50 just like Sylvester Stallone does during openings for new Planet Hollywoods. Even if you don't need glasses, you might as well go get a pair for important events.\nThe most important thing you can do to sound and look smarter for the rest of your life is to change your minor every semester while here at IU. At this school starting and stopping a minor is easier than e-mailing me hate letters, and I know a lot of you can do that. You don't even have to fill anything out until you're a senior to declare a minor. \n So how does this make you seem intelligent? Since I have been a political science minor, a criminal justice minor and a film studies minor, anytime one of these subjects come up in casual conversation I sound smart just because at one time I "studied" it. \nFor instance, anytime someone brings up politics I state, "Well, I was a political science minor freshman year, and I feel that blah blah blah," and instantly people think I know what I am talking about, but in reality I have no idea. The same goes for anything about the law, or about movies.\nSo none of us really have to put a lot of time and effort into actually being smart because there are always ways of just acting smart. Now if only those stuck up Amish people could learn that, their children wouldn't have to deal drugs.

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