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Totally tubular decade of movies


By Mike D’Avria



Why is it that the Oscars are only given out for movies released in just that year? That's totally bogus. In this gnarly column, I have reviewed all the best actors, actresses and directors for the entire decade and decided to give my own fresh Oscars for their cumulative work in the '80s.\nBest Supporting Actor -- William Zabka\nWe all know this to-the-max, preppy bully better as Johnny, as in, "Put him in a body-bag, Johnny!" Yes, the pretty-boy, blonde-haired black belt gets this award for essentially playing one part again and again in '80s movies. He's the bully the main character has to deal with. He played the popular bully in "The Karate Kid," "Just One of the Guys" and "Back to School." Whether it was beating up Ralph Macchio, lifting up cafeteria lunch tables or out-diving Rodney Dangerfield, Zabka is the most wicked big screen bully of the decade. \nBest Supporting Actress -- tie: Phoebe Cates and Jennifer Grey\nBoth actresses get this award because they are great in their respective roles, but they have to share because both were only in like two radical movies the entire decade. Cates gets it solely because of her stellar performance in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" especially her great work getting out of a pool. We all know that we were in the same place Judge Reinhold was in right after we saw that scene as well. Her story in "Gremlins" about why she hates Christmas is also one of the best tales ever told. You would hate Christmas too if you found your dad dead in the chimney dressed as Old St. Nick.\nGrey also gets the award because 1. She played the bitch sister of everyone's favorite Ferris Bueller so well, and 2. I couldn't have left her out because, "No one puts Baby in the corner."\nBest Actor -- tie: Corey Haim and Corey Feldman\nThis isn't exactly a tie since you can't really have one Corey without the other. In so many movies these two boy toys would gang up together, one would play the main part and one would be the best friend, and in doing so they would create movie magic. "License to Drive," "The Lost Boys" and "Dream a Little Dream" are just some of the greatness that these two teen gods produced. It is true that Feldman probably produced his greatest films without Haim, such as in "The Goonies" as Mouth, and in "Stand by Me." And Haim really only had "Lucas," but the two became stars because of each other. One day the two will marry and live happily ever after with their children grouping to go on adventures looking for vampires, for dead bodies or for pirate-loot while driving around without a license. \nBest Actress -- Elisabeth Shue\nThis curly-haired, blonde girl-next-door gets my vote because I have the hugest crush on her. So what if I'm biased, she is still a great actress, and so what if it's mostly due to her cute smile and her amazing blue eyes. Back to her acting, she was always the girl that all the guys went for because of that cute aspect. Daniel-san went after her in "The Karate Kid," Tom Cruise liquored her up in "Cocktail" and Michael J. Fox took her on the ride of her life in "Back to the Future Part II." \nBut it was in "Adventures in Babysitting" that she did her star work. I always wanted her as my babysitter, I still do, and the ongoing comments about the nude layout that resembled her in the Playboy featured in the film excite me. Basically everyone thought it was her in the pictorial, and I am still waiting to see that great issue. \nBest Director -- John Hughes\nNow this is an obvious choice since the man created Sherman, Ill., and we all felt the place actually existed because his movies made it feel so real. Just listen to his resume. Within five years he directed "Sixteen Candles," "Breakfast Club," "Weird Science," "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," "Planes, Trains And Automobiles," "She's Having a Baby" and "Uncle Buck." Totally tubular, to-the-max, gnarly does not even describe how good these movies are. I don't even have to mention that he wrote most of them along with writing all of the "Vacation" movies -- some of the best films ever created. Anyone who ever thinks of making a teen film has to look at Hughes as an inspiration. \nWhether it was because they can beat up nerds or because they can create mind-bending fantasies, these '80s icons deserve their awards for their cumulative decade's work. They all are completely awesome bad to the bone bodacious homeys. Word to your mother!

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